just a dot
the sun climbed the day
toward the west
as the world took rest
a lady lay
on the cold bed of pain and sweat.
Bloodied hands took that was naught
to destroy that was to be brought.
As she fell asleep
in one corner,
the unbehest Figure starts to weep
over the murder
of HIS own dear.
A decade and 7 years on,
i hear the wrong
her sorrow, ringing with mine.
How i wish, i’d know you unborn
foetus,
today i mourned,
the death of my forlorn sis.
March 30, 2009 at 3:22 AM
The only change I can offer here is to remove the parenthesized ‘(for men)’ and make naught as “naught”. My two cents
Otherwise, good job
March 30, 2009 at 9:56 AM
Thanks Paz. I corrected the men part. Didnt get you on the “naught” business. I’d like to keep it as it is!
March 30, 2009 at 9:23 AM
Sorry, but I think you meant to say “foetus” Osci.
March 30, 2009 at 9:49 AM
who is this who commented using my name and email add?
I checked the ip add and it came to NY,USA.
March 30, 2009 at 10:29 PM
I meant put the word naught in double quotes, so u convey the message that though most people consider it to be nothing, you dont think so.
March 31, 2009 at 12:50 AM
No. Im fine without em.
Also, you can use comment threading you know! Makes it so much easier!
April 1, 2009 at 12:53 AM
I loved it! *Hug* Why are there two of u??
April 1, 2009 at 8:21 AM
someone tried to act funny and used my name and email address and commented!
April 4, 2009 at 4:50 AM
teee heeee its funny