I just had a talk with Shannon and he told me that I won’t be playing for the youth camp. Now I dont know what the ideal reaction should have been but I just kept quiet in front of him and accepted it. He made a very good point. He didn’t want me to play substandard to what the team is playing. For even the one musician can make a difference. He said that he doesnt want me to pity myself cuz I havent done a good job and feel bad. What he doesnt know is that I already feel bad. I really wanted to play.

This entire episode about the youth camp is also an answer to my prayers. I prayed that he would push me into the deep waters so that I can learn to swim, and I also prayed that I will never indulge in self-glorification and thereby rob Him of His glory.

I’ll be honest. I was disappointed when I heard it. I didnt instantly say “Praise God, let Him do as he wishes with his servant.” But I realized it that I wasn’t doing it for Him. I was doing it for myself. And I’m not ashamed to accept my mistake. I’m happy that I can serve him better with a clean conscience now. I’ll still go for practice so that I get an experience playing with the band. I’ve realized that if I really did want to play for Him, I would have practiced more and better. One day I’ll be there. I know where I want to be, God does too; I just wont write it here…for now.

I can say this now without any sense of guilt or hypocrisy. “Praise God indeed!”